I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
