Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
