To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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