so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
