if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
