I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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