counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize