haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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