You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
