A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
