i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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