Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So much rum. So many feels.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
