So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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