I'm eating all of the evidence.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
