You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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