You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
