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I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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