Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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