Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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