I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
