So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
