You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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