hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
