using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
