I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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