i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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