I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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