You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
