I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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