My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
