OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
