you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
