I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
