How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just google imaged poop.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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