Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
