Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize