we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
