i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
