it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
