We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
