god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
