I want to walk on stilts...naked
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize