what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
