whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
