What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
