I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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