i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
