I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
