Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
