I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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