So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
