Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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