the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
