C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I looked at my own cervix.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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