Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
