i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
