I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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