This dress was meant to end up on your floor
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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