Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
