since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
