life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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