I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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