She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
