Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just gift wrapped bread.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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