I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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