It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How external is "for external use only"?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
