dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
