oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
