alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
