alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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