He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
