I think im going to throw up on grandma
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
