If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
