The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
