I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
